Tough decision on my side too - Mac is gone (now pictures)

[Unepuce]

Mac is now closing on his 30 months. He had an abcess close to his uretrae (thus inoperable), that apparently turned into a tumour, that abcessed again, and again. Now the 2 new abcesses are joining - he's got a huge hole on his belly that is the actual pocket of that double abcess. I also "popped" another abcess that was coming to a head on the inside of his other thigh - we had though from the beginning this was a tumour, now it might have been an abcess all along, or this is yet another tumour that developped an abcess. Plus, he has HED, still can move his back legs, can use them a bit for "walking", but definitely can forget about scratching. And I noticed lately his breathing is a bit more labored, but it might be from pain.

He was treated with Clavulin (amoxy) for a few weeks, until I mentioned to my vet it was getting harder to get it into (big dosage and the taste of rasperry-orange is very strong), so we switched him back on more manageable Baytril, knowing his weeks were counted anyways. He is also on Metacam, of course. And still gets hydrotherapy twice daily.

Poor boy is suffering. He will eat his blueberry baby food and nutrios in the morning. He will nibble at whatever we have for supper, I'm not sure whether or not he still eats blocks. I mix his meds in PB and either ensure or apple sauce, and he will most of the time only have it from my finger. It now seems I need to forcefeed the metacam into him more and more often as he refuses to take the mixture. I also try to give him mushed blocks, but he's been refusing it for a while and baby cereals and ensure seemed to be a decent remplacement, but he is starting to refuse that too.

His coat is still very soft and shiny, his eyes are bright when he is not suffering too much, I hardly see any porphy except around his eyes when he's hurting and I wake him up for meds or hydrotherapy. He will still come to me for breakfast and supper, enjoys his cuddle to no end... I get so many mixed signals it's not even funny. When I ask him if he wants me to let him go, he shakes himself awake and open those big bright ruby eyes... I am at loss with what is the right thing to do.

I have a vet appointment tonight for him and Cookie. I don't know whether I should look for better ways to relieve him since he seems to want to stay with us, or if I should have him PTS as I can see he is in pain. I have always been of that party that will promote humane PTS before things get unbearable, but his conscious messages are "I want to stay". I don't know what to do. I am afraid keeping him alive will be a torture to him and that I won't really see it until it's too late - and I don't want to let him go if he still has some joys in this life that he is looking forward to.

I am going to my vet with relieving his pain in mind, not PTSing him, but my heart and head are all mixed up and I believe I need outside opinions to see things more clearly.

What would you do?


ETA - Sorry this is such a long post, I wanted to give the best picture possible...

 

[lilspaz68]

He sounds like he's being too tough for his own good. There's no good ending for him, and he's already in pain so I think you should let him go. He may not want to leave you, so you will have to make the sad decision, but you know how stoic these rats can be.

I AM sorry.

 

[ChrisK]

This is the toughest decision we ever have to make. And I feel your anguish over it. In the end, of course, the decision will be up to you.

I am also of the school to not let them suffer, but also to enable them to live out their lives as much as they wish.

Here is a link to a questionnaire which may be of help to you in determining if it's time. It's written for dogs and cats I think, but much of it still applies for any pet.

http://www.cedarviewanimalhospital.com/ ... ofLife.pdf

I will just say my own experience with my first rattie is that in the end, I think I waited a bit too long. Animals know only what they are living in the moment, and not whether or not there's a tomorrow or living to be a certain age. So if your rattie is suffering now, and it's not something that can be remedied, it may be time to let go.

What I did when we got to that point, was same as you're saying. I went to the vet with questions, open for discussion to see if there was anything further that could be done. I was fortunate that the vet I saw just told me directly it was time to let go. Some vets will not say that.

I will keep you and your beloved rattie in my thoughts ...

-ck

 

[LilyRat]

If I was him then I would be thinking 30 months is long enough, get me out of here! D: that's what my grandma said when she was 96, but no one would put her to sleep and she had to suffer another three years.

poor rat.

 

[crumbilina]

:hugs:

It is so hard when your heart battles your head, just remember that the heart can get clouded with emotion, emotion is a powerful thing. I am sure you will make the right decision for him.

I can't really say what I would do without seeing your boy, but I think I agree with the above comments, as hard as it may be.

 

[Unepuce]

Thank you all... I can't tell I'm happy about what I'm reading - I am not ready myself, or so it seems...

I am taking him to the vet willing to fight for his life if I feel I need to, because I know my vet will tell me it's time. ChrisK, I'll look through the questionnaire, thank you! Maybe I will find the strength to accept and let him go. But his eyes are still so bright, his coat so soft and he so wants to stay... :sad3:

 

[crumbilina]

:hugs:

 

[fenshae]

:hug: I know it's so, so hard. Hopefully you find the strength you need...30 months is a good, strong life for a little guy.

 

[victoria]

I know personally I'm never ready to see them go. Never. It's horrible and selfish but making the decision for them is so difficult for me because they often give mixed signals. But I also know they're driven to survive and some will never tell you it's time. I think when you notice they are having more good days than bad and it's unlikely the situation can improve you know it's time. I'm so sorry, it's such a crappy spot to be in. Whatever you decide will be right :hugs:

 

[jorats]

When I'm at this point and I talk to my vet about it, she always tells me: "there are no wrong answers."
If you aren't ready and you can manage his pain then wait a few more days, say your goodbyes or you can find it deep in your heart to offer him this one last gift.
((hugs))

 

[mamarat]

It is a hard decision. I take it day by day and when there's more bad days than good and especially if they stop eating I will take them in. I'm so sorry. Huge hugs.

 

[Unepuce]

He lost almost 30 g this past week, now down a tad below 500g. I am making my mind up I think, but I'll know for sure once I am faced with my vet's insistance. It would be so weird not to go to bed at 1:00 or 2:00 am on weeknights for caring after him... Somehow, I guess I just want to convince myself I would not be going ahead with PTS because he takes up so much of my time - but deep down, I know I would keep on caring for him for weeks and months to come. Funny how these times make me realize I am much more dedicated than I always believed I was...

Funny also that I am so calm and cold headed (well, almost!), knowing so very well that once I give the go ahead, I will crash and burn like this is the end of my world. People at my vet are used to seeing me like this, but still, I wish I could hold it in better, at least until I get home... Hopefully, I won't break off before I leave the house, like I do when I bring them specifically for that purpose...

 

[mamarat]

I know it's so hard. :hugs:

 

[smilez_n_hugs]

I would say it's time. I usually try to set a kind of limit on when I will know it's time (depending on what's ailing them) and for the majority of mine it's the day (or very close to it) that they refuse Ensure. Another thing to keep in mind is how well rats hide pain so if he is visibly in pain then I can only image how bad it hurts. I'm so sorry it's such a hard decision :hugs:

 

[ChrisK]

about crying at the vet's office ... I think most loving pet owners would cry at such a time. I couldn't stop myself from crying for hours the first time I made the decision. And the vet's office is used to this kind of stuff. Really, if ever there was a time to cry, loosing a loved one is it. So.. I think -- go easy on yourself for that.. We have to grieve. There's no way around it.

And you're not being selfish in this decision. In fact, when you look at it really, it's a gift you give your pet rat. It is in fact, a selfless act of love. Why? Because if you had your way, you'd opt for him to be happy and healthy and live a long long time. But when that's no longer an option, it's actually a very selfless act to have him PTS, because you're doing it for him, to relieve his pain, and at the same time, it is very painful for you.

I think you're doing very well in addressing your concerns. I applaud your efforts. :hugs:

 

[Godmother]

What a rough decision. He does sound like he's going downhill, though, with more bad days than good. Loss of appetite is a bad sign, too, especially if there is no food that makes him perk up. I hope that you are at peace with whatever you decide tonight.

 

[Unepuce]

Mac is gone.

My mind was made up when I got home, but I still had those lingering doubts... I took him out, brought him to the living room with me and fed him some ensure, which he took, thank God. I hate to let them go without feeding them first. Then I put him down on the couch at his request and I could see it - and I knew. For sure. It was time.

To end his live on a sweet note, I gave him a bit of chocolate, one last treat that he really enjoyed. Then BF got home and off to the vet we went. I carried him all the way wrapped into a towel (his infection was so bad...) and I held him for most of the 45 following minutes. When Dr Beaulieu saw his belly, I could tell there was no coming back, anyway. I am devastated to think I kept him maybe too long, but until last week he was still enjoying so much... She took care of Cookie, who had a bad case of malocclusion (I really had no idea teeth could grow that fast!!!) topped by broken molars that splintered into her palate (ouch!) and then we waited for the little room to free up - that's when Victoria walked in. Thank you again for your kind words Victoria :hugs:

Then it really was time. While being sedated, Mac got a little agitated so I moved my hand into the mask (I always request a big mask, somehow I believe it makes them more comfortable to be lying into it) and pat him gently. I am convinced he recognized my touch because he calmed down right away... and let himself drift into sleep, peacefully.

Now he's gone and I feel a little lost - I was spending so much time caring for him. I will write a memorial later as I am currently at work, but I wanted to let you know he was now at peace, playing with Penelope and Picolo and meeting all those others at the Bridge. Thank you for your support. I knew you would help me see clearly into it all.

I miss you, Macsou...

 

[mamarat]

:hugs:

 

[lilspaz68]

I am glad you are finally at peace with this decision...he was just waiting for you to be as ready for it as he was. They can be selfless like that. :heart:

its very hard to lose a rat you've been nursing day and night, when they are gone you feel lost "what do I do now?"...use that time to spend it in good ways with your remaining rats as I am sure they will try to help you over this mountain of grief you are feeling. I felt lost for a very very long time losing Eli...still do, but he would want me to go on, so I did.

Mac sounded like an amazing boy, and obviously incredibly special to you. ((((hugs))))

 

[jorats]

I'm so sorry...