Peaceful deaths? a bit morbid maybe? read with caution :)

[hopefloats]

I had a huge learning curve with losing Dopey yesterday. It dawned on me today after being exhausted at work because I was up half the night being tormented by his death. Not the fact that he died but the last seconds of his life. I figured out today, that he is actually the first animal i had pass in front of me. I was present for my dog of many years to be helped across the bridge. He went so peacefully, he literally, just stopped.

First let me explain. I found Dopey acting odd about 8am. He was still dopey just off. I grabbed him up, or my daughter did, i held him for a long time in a blanket. Almost two hours i held him. I could hear him kinda breathing funny and his heart was beating fast. The only thing I really have a lot of experience with is pneumonia, at that point it seemed like it could be.

He had a heart defect, the vet heard it a few months ago. So i was aware he would leave me before i wanted him to.

While i was holding him, I got the feeling my dopey was no longer there. He was having mild facial ticks, which ended up stopping but I could see his breathing slow down. At this point I had him laying in a box to hold him there. He was completely unresponsive at this point. I am pretty sure all sense and feeling was gone at this point, he didnt even notice when I touched him. I took a video of him, and looking back now, it was not dopey, just his body refusing to stop.

I kinda thought he would recover, or come back from it, I know i didnt expect it to go the way it did at first.

I always read, "my baby passed peacefully in my arms" I think how amazing to be there so they dont go alone. I am wondering if I have a different vision of peaceful than others What I experienced with my dog, and what I seen on the forum, I had some vision that is not what i seen yesterday.

I really believe it wasn't pain, He made a squeak and his arms drew up, I am pretty sure he seized his way out. I guess I just seriously thought that when he went, he would just stop breathing.

So when people post the "peaceful" thing. What is your idea of peaceful? Is it peaceful that they were not in pain? or am I the lucky one with the dramatic exit..Which honestly does not surprise me, that boy was a screamer for a long time

I was in chat with my "support" group but I didn't expect to literally be shaking like a leaf. I couldn't hold my hands still they were shaking so hard. I knew he was going, I wanted to be there for my boy, but I didn't know what I would see. I will say it startled me, and caught me off guard. I have seen my mom and daughter have seizures since I was 4 with my mom and since my daughter was 14.... I seriously thought i would react differently.

I am at peace with his passing, I have no issues or guilt on that note. it is just he visual that I couldnt escape last night.

 

[rhapsody]

I've had seven hamsters die in my hands, and one rat who died next to me while I was driving on the freeway. Each of the hamsters had gone into a sudden decline in health, I knew I wouldn't make it in time to the vet (didn't have a car at the time) - they all died within an hour. With the rat, well, most of you know that story.

None went peacefully. They all fought til the bitter end - gasping, frothing at the mouth, spasming ... Some lost the battle with pneumonia (the gasping), and the others had symptoms that pointed to stroke/heart failure (the frothing at the mouth and spasming). And every one of those deaths traumatized me.

 

[Aida]

Peaceful to me is when a ratty dies near me with me stroking it, even if it is unresponsive. I think that unless a death is really sudden(crushed, sudden injury, choking, etc.) the body's nervous system gives out before the real pain/death comes(I don't know, I think!), so anything after that is just muscle spasms. I think your Dopey had that heart defect, so he probably wasn't in any pain at all. And he died next to you, comfortable and warm and loved.

(I know that the last thing that gives out is hearing, in humans. So I spent all night talking to Charolette when she was real sick and I thought she would die. She did, but sadly not with me- but at the hospital.)

 

[MissGuardian]

I think peaceful for me is that it´s over fast and that they don´t suffer..
I don´t know if I think my first passed rat was peaceful or not..
I knew he was sick - but I had a bad vet who promised me he´d get well..
He seemed to improve a lot.. but in the evening he suddenly started dragging his hind legs..
He died in my arms within 30-60 minutes.. but he was "gasping" and had muscle spasms.. So I don´t really know..
One of the other died in his sleep after anesthesia(never woke up again properly) - That was peaceful.

 

[TheHermit]

I know what you mean. My Edward went the same way, almost... he was acting oddly the morning he passed and by the time I came home from school and found him (in the morning I thought he was just uncomfortable - I'd stepped on his foot that summer by accident and he hadn't been the same sweat-pea Edwardigan since) he wasn't conscious. I feel awful that I wasn't there to say goodbye when he would 'hear' me, but I found him with his brother laying on top of him, periodically licking the top of his head. They really did love each other, so before he lost consciousness he had someone that loved him and someone that 'spoke in his language', so for that I am always grateful.
I know he wasn't conscious because of the 'eye test' - his eyes were wide open, but if I poked one gently, he didn't blink or twitch or anything. I learned this from my former vet when I had to take my first rat to be helped to the bridge, as I was terrified that he wasn't really asleep. Edward's breathing was ragged and he flailed a few times - his body fighting for air. I wrapped him up in a t-shirt to keep him still and cuddled with him for an hour before he finally let go. When he did, I literally saw the life leave his eyes as they dulled immediately - one of the most uncanny and possible spiritual things I have ever witnessed.

That, to me, was a peaceful death. I know he must have been uncomfortable before he finally lost consciousness, but I don't think he was in pain. Liam (his brother) was very willing to let me remove him from the cage. My only regret is that I didn't take Liam out to sit with us on the bed while Edward passed. Of all the awful things that could happen to a rat that would end their life, I do think that, despite discomfort or pain, being comforted by those they loved and that loved them is ultimately peaceful. There are too many rats and other furbabies in the world that will never have a human or a friend there for them, keeping them warm and telling them they love them, until they pass.

 

[hopefloats]

I think that is where the problem lies. My mind is sure that he went peacefully. I know he left sooner than his body stopped but he was gone by that point. It is the visual of the leaving that scared me. I know with my mom and her seizures even though I know she does not feel it, the visual of her having a full blown seizure can freak one out. It just looks like it would hurt.

I want nothing more to be there for them when they pass. I owe that to them as their owner, I just have to figure out how to get into my head that is normal. I thought one would of explained that it was brutal to see LOL but I guess I am newer to my pets dying on their own than most. Others seem more seasoned at it.

 

[ChrisK]

In my opinion..

Every death is different. Every experience of death is different.

It's hard to define what peaceful is. Being present when it happens can be frightening, not knowing what will happen next, and wanting to keep our loved ones from suffering. In fact, at these times, we have no power or control to stop it. So we just stay there with them, loving them until they're gone.

IMO, The process of dying is not the peaceful part. It's being there, loving each other, and acceptance of whatever will be.

 

[ChrisK]

and by the way... I'm really glad you posted on this topic! It's very relevant!

 

[hopefloats]

and by the way... I'm really glad you posted on this topic! It's very relevant!

I was worried but after the reality checks i gave myself. I had to. I know I talked to shelagh and she told me she tries to warn people but she was working and it was hard for her to warn me Poor chat people LOL I was a total spaz. What i seen and what I thought were totally different, I sat there stroking his head, watching him breath, and I was waiting for it to just stop. So simple right? From what I read and what I saw, that is what I expected. I was happy Toby went in his sleep, Fred went without me, I was so happy I could be there for Dopey. I still am.

I am thankful that I was there holding him when he slipped out, I know the last thing he remembers is me holding him. I want to be better at dealing with it though. That is the part i am battling.

 

[Kitsa]

I think it depends on the situation. Some rats you can tell when they've let go and I think the ones that have usually go peacefully.
My boy BB, I knew he had lost the fight when I found him, everything gets that look in there eye when they let go, the dull look. He had that look, the spark was gone and a few hours later after gasping he twitched and then just went limp. I think he knew it was time and that I was only watching his body fighting not his spirit.

 

[lilspaz68]

All my rats that have died at home and in my arms have all passed relatively the same way with some variations.

A respiratory rat has real issues, now those are NOT peaceful deaths...try to euthanize before you end up in this terrible place.

PT rats are usually very peaceful unless they develop respiratory issues.

Most times the rat fades and is in and out of consciousness. Their breathing changes, sometimes they will gasp (even if they have never had a respiratory issue in their life), and their breathing will slow, so much that it cannot sustain life. Sometimes it will stop, then start again. At this point your rat is gone and its only the body shutting down. Things can happen like the gasping, or twitching. I stroke and kiss and tell my baby I love them and to let go. Crying at this point is permitted. :cuddle: The final part can seem like seizures but its really the last impulses of the body, and they sometimes twist their body a little (like an owwie stretch), stretch out their body and spine, and then may either twitch a little or kick out rapidly. These "stretches" can go on and on where they seem like it will never stop, and then suddenly you feel them go, their body relaxes and goes limp. For the braver souls, put your fingers on the rat's chest and feel that hear beating fast and erratically (fibrillating)...then that will stop and fade and you are left with silence.

As for peaceful, these end process that are so frightening to see almost always happens, so when its minimal and the rat goes quickly that I consider peaceful. Eli was the only one who literally just stopped while lying beside me.

Mini the natal died exactly like the majority of my rats, so there's little difference amongst the rodents I guess.

 

[Katzedecimal]

That sounded like a peaceful death, to me. I watched my mother and my grandmother dying and their dying, though peaceful, was nothing remotely like how dying is portrayed in the media. They were in the dying coma long before, wrapped up in dreams and not much aware of what was going on around them. They didn't seem to be in pain nor were they struggling, but every breath was gasping. Their open eyes tocked back and forth and didn't tear, so needed drops to keep from drying up. Their heads were mostly still but sometimes lolled or tocked. Their hands twitched or occasionally flailed. Their last words were incoherant and said long before they passed. Passing wasn't a quick affair either, it was stop and start, just when we thought they'd taken their last breath and last heartbeat, another one would trip. But it was peaceful - they weren't in pain, they were in the comfort of the coma, they weren't frothing or convulsing or voiding messily or bleeding out, but it wasn't pretty. Dopey sounds like he had a similar dying, wrapped in a coma and certainly wrapped in love.

 

[hopefloats]

These are all really great answers.

I love the coma comment Katz, it is totally what it seemed like to me. I didnt see it then, I still thought he might have a chance but some in chat guided me through it. Honestly he kinda slowly drifted away.

Lilspaz that was well explained I did kiss my boy and told him we loved him and to find toby it was 15 minutes later I lost him but almost instant for his breathing to slow. I wasnt freaked out the whole time shocking huh? LOL

I am still just dumbfounded, that I had no idea what death of pet looks like.

 

[Joanne]

I have had pets my whole life, but was never with an animal when it died until I started working at a veterinary clinic. With euthanasia it is very peaceful, and quick. Once I got to that age, I started being the one who would take our pet to be PTS when it was time. I was home for my last ferret Evil - I still believe he waited for me to come home from work: I picked him up and snuggled him and he died about 5 minutes later. I was so glad I could be there for him. He went peacefully too. I find that my ratties, if they are not euthanized, have a 'seizure like' episode when they die. I guess that being present for so many animals passing has made it easier for me. Sounds weird, eh? When they go, it relieves their suffering, so I feel it is a good thing and that they are in a better place. And sometimes they have been sick and you have been expecting them to die for a couple of weeks (sometimes months) and it's actually a relief when they pass. I have one old girl right now that I didn't expect to live to Christmas. I will care for her the best I can, and I hope I am there for her when she goes, and I will be sad when she goes, but I will also be happy that she's not old and bony and cold and weak anymore. She'll be playing at the bridge with her brothers and sisters and mom.

 

[Petunia]

I am thankful that I was there holding him when he slipped out, I know the last thing he remembers is me holding him. I want to be better at dealing with it though. That is the part i am battling.

death and especially witnessing a death, is deeply disturbing no matter how peaceful or uneventful it is. if you think about it, there's no way it could not be- all we know is life, and we all fear what dying will be like for us, even if we don't fear death itself.

if you didn't have flash backs to those last minutes, you wouldn't be a normal healthy human.
:hugs:


I called Cookie's death peaceful and I believe for *her* it was. It was not easy for me to witness though, and I was terrified the whole time.
I've been with many pets in their last moments but each time was different, each time I learned something new.

things that I"m not sure I really wanted to know. but I suppose in a way these are good things to know

 

[Petunia]

In my opinion..

Every death is different. Every experience of death is different.

It's hard to define what peaceful is. Being present when it happens can be frightening, not knowing what will happen next, and wanting to keep our loved ones from suffering. In fact, at these times, we have no power or control to stop it. So we just stay there with them, loving them until they're gone.

IMO, The process of dying is not the peaceful part. It's being there, loving each other, and acceptance of whatever will be.

very well said!

 

[hopefloats]

Thanks for the continued posts. I am still in awe over how naive I was on this subject. I do feel better and was not haunted last night. I just hope i can better prepare myself for the next ones i am present for Even though I let them all know they will only pass in their sleep at old age, I dont think they shall listen

I can say I didnt realize how many special things i had to do for him, like with his meds and his hammocks and I fed him first always since he was my older boy, I feel his loss in his cage at feedings most.

 

[Godmother]

My experience have been similar to the ones posted.

Being present at a death is a significant experience, and it is still moving to me. I cannot bear to see a rat in severe respiratory distress, and I have been lucky so far in finding a vet to euthanize the ones who could no longer be saved. Being with a rat who is no longer conscious and having seizures or occasional gasps is difficult, especially the first time. I have often sat in my recliner until the wee hours with a dying ratty-- I can't leave them, even tho I should be in bed sleeping on a weeknight. My Cookie died on a day I was home with the flu, so I put her in an open container by the bed so that I could reach down to stroke her.

This is still difficult to experience but I feel the need to be with them

 

[Dazzle87]

I'm glad this was posted, the only animal deaths I've witnessed were PTS. What you said sounds similar to what happened with Dazzle from what my boyfriend told me (I rushed home from work to have her PTS but didn't make it). The euthanasia deaths were always very peaceful, they just stopped breathing.

I'm glad you've found some comfort in knowing how normal it was.

 

[breakthenight]

I've never had an animal that went peacefully in front of me unless they were euthanized. Rodents are ESPECIALLY bad. I'm not sure why. All my hamsters have had horrible, horrible deaths . That being said when I noticed that my rats were passing, it's usually because they are having a hard time passing over the bridge. Some of the other deaths(Shay for example) may have died fairly peacefully but I didn't even know she was dying. I went to bed with a seemingly healthy rattie, when I woke up she was passed. Old age deaths are much more peaceful in general, they have a tendency to go more gently.

Euthanasia is fairly peaceful but I find it kind of traumatic for me. The animals slip into sleep and then their hearts gradually slow down and stop. I don't like choosing who lives or dies and how sick is sick enough and it leaves me very upset.

Death is rarely easy no matter how often you experience it IMO. Every death is a different life lost and comes with it's own burdens. It helps to know they aren't suffering anymore.