grieving boy- sad and angry and very stressed out- ideas?

[Petunia]

I'm rat sitting for a friend. I had three of her rats but one of the died quite unexpectedly.

That leaves a neutered boy Hal who was very close with the rat who passed away (Peri) and tiny Miss Niko, a 28 mos old dynamo who isn't really affected much by anything.


Hal and Peri were like a squabbling married couple- they'd have their spats, make up and be best buddies again. They pestered each other back and forth, groomed each other and followed each other everywhere.

They were unhappy to be separated for a night (or so?) recently, after Hal bit Peri, and Peri was away from him while she was recovering. (sadly and tragically that wound led to her eventual death 10 days later :sad3: )


Now Peri is gone for good and Hal is just beside himself.
Niko will groom him and lay with him sometimes but she's a pretty independent girl. Right now poor Hal is sleeping on the floor of the cage by himself, Niko is in a hammock.


I gave Hal a stuffed caterpillar I bought from the Rat Shack and he actually snuggled up to it.

It's been a day since Peri died and Hal is now puffing up a lot. I think maybe he's angry that his girl friend is still gone, & scared too. Peri bolstered his confidence (and he did the same for her) I've got some videos that show how close they were. I'll post them in a bit.

anyway, now he's angry and/or scared, too.
I was petting him this morning and he has his eyes part way closed like he was enjoying it but then suddenly he puffed up.
I immediately stopped petting him and froze, afraid if I moved my hand away too fast I'd get bitten
well, I was too slow, cuz I got bitten.
:shock:

Does anyone have any ideas for things to do that might help him heal from his loss and calm down?

He's been here since Wed night and up til now he's been a total joy, & very brave for a boy who is quite timid ordinarily.
To see him this way is just heartbreaking.
what can I do for him?

 

[Petunia]

a video of Hal, Peri and Niko

Hal is the PEW, Peri is the beige girl and Niko is the tiny masked girl

http://youtu.be/W8JUZ3cmhHo

 

[hopefloats]

Thwy can puff up when in. Pain, cold or sick. Just him over real good. Give him a box to hide in?

 

[jorats]

How very sad.
Did the death occur at your place? How long do you have him for?

 

[Petunia]

yeh I know, actually his family/owners have been concerned about him for awhile because he'll be fine, but then he goes after the girls and I guess he bit one or more of his people too at some point (not recently)

They were making great progress with him, put him a bonding scarf and he was getting quite a bit braver, but he does still have some issue

and his mom (human) has wondered if he's got something going on, that might be hurting him, to cause this odd behavior

That's not all he does, he also sometimes just freaks out, for no reason that you can tell- like he's suddenly over stimulated or something. It happened when they dropped him off, and he'd shown NO signs of any distress in advance, just suddenly freaked.

It does seem like he's either got a neurological problem or is possibly in pain, but he's been checked out by the vet and they couldnt' find anything wrong with him

He jsut finished up a course of antibiotics for a URI but there's been no breathing problems whatsoever, not even any sneezes or anything like that

I did just find a couple of videos of his human family talking and that seems to have calmed him a bit,
although at first he seemed to be looking for them
there was a definite reaction to the familiar voices

I'll keep playing them if it helps him

Poor guy

I'll be talking to their vet tomorrow about the girl who died; she was being treated for a bite wound (he bit her, and it left a hematoma, she was on antibiotics)

trying to find out what might have caused her to start bleeding internally again (that's what killed her, I found her dead in her hammock, looking like she was asleep, so she went peacefully at least)

I'll ask the vet about him, too, but I dont think she'll have any more ideas then she did when his family took him in

the older rat Niko was just finished up on antibiotics for an abscess on her neck that may have been caused by a bite by him too.
so he's not always a very good boy

but he's so sweet most of the time and just full of personality.
I feel so so bad about this.

 

[jorats]

When was his neuter?

 

[Petunia]

How very sad.
Did the death occur at your place? How long do you have him for?

yes, it did. I found her already gone, looking like she was asleep in her hammock with him laying with her.

here's part of what I wrote to her family, too tired to re write it, it's been a very rough few days- Had four other rats here, in much worse shape and one of them got injured, toe nail injury, scary because the fool thing bled for so long but he's ok

anyway! here's what happened to Peri:
"M---, I don't know how to tell you this-
I am so so very sorry- Peri was found dead in her hammock this morning.
She was fine last night, she was fine when I checked on her before going to bed.
I checked in on them when I got up and they were all sleeping, Peri was laying in the hammock asleep, Haldir was laying over her with his head hanging off the way he does.
Niko was in a corner sleeping.
They had been out playing for a very long time the day before.
I decided to let them rest while I made coffee and finished waking up myself.
I went to go get Peri to give her her meds and she was already gone.
I was so shocked I couldn't believe it!
She died in her sleep."


Peri had been wounded on April 11th, her mom posted on the FB page about it. She still had a little lump about the size of a large pea? er, no a bit bigger than a pea, but smaller than a grape

anyway she was on TMZ to ward off infection (this was a bite wound, Hal bit her) but she got a hematoma with the blood pooled under the skin

She had been perfectly fine all this time, no sign of any problem whatsoever, so this was a huge shock to all of us.

as I was telling Peggy I"ve got a call in for their vet to call me to discuss what might have happened, and maybe she'll have some ideas for Hal as well


they are here til next Monday.
The other four boys left yesterday.

I am sure I didnt' do anything to cause her death and am devastated that this happened, I told her people I would try to find out what might have happened

I feel so bad for Hal, he really adored his lady friend.


Just saw your new post,I"m not sure but I can look it up. I think it was at least 6 mos ago, I know it wasn't recently.
I know the foster home he came from

The girl who died, Peri, she is the biological sister of my boy Owen

 

[jorats]

Where was her injury located?

 

[Petunia]

Where was her injury located?

on her thigh, just above the "knee"? joint

no broken bones according to the radiograph

 

[jorats]

I had a very young rat die from internet bleeding, but not from a bite, it was a foot nail that hit the right spot on the jugular. It was nobody's fault, just a crappy event. So don't beat yourself up about what happened.
Did Hal see the body after death?
I think he just needs some time to recover and adapt. I'd continue to talk to him and give him his out time but I would no longer allow him to have access to you. You don't want to be bitten again. He might need more work when he gets home with his people. Right now, he's got everything against him. New home, rat smells, new routine, new mom and no more Peri. Those are all factors working against him.

 

[Petunia]

I had a very young rat die from internet bleeding, but not from a bite, it was a foot nail that hit the right spot on the jugular. It was nobody's fault, just a crappy event. So don't beat yourself up about what happened.
Did Hal see the body after death?
I think he just needs some time to recover and adapt. I'd continue to talk to him and give him his out time but I would no longer allow him to have access to you. You don't want to be bitten again. He might need more work when he gets home with his people. Right now, he's got everything against him. New home, rat smells, new routine, new mom and no more Peri. Those are all factors working against him.

well Hal was laying on top of her, whether or not he knew she was dead, I don't know
she hadn't been gone very long, judging by her size and the temp of her body, I'd say about half an hour.
she continued to bleed into the wound even after she died.

SHould I take the body out of the freezer and show him?

 

[jorats]

I had a very young rat die from internet bleeding, but not from a bite, it was a foot nail that hit the right spot on the jugular. It was nobody's fault, just a crappy event. So don't beat yourself up about what happened.
Did Hal see the body after death?
I think he just needs some time to recover and adapt. I'd continue to talk to him and give him his out time but I would no longer allow him to have access to you. You don't want to be bitten again. He might need more work when he gets home with his people. Right now, he's got everything against him. New home, rat smells, new routine, new mom and no more Peri. Those are all factors working against him.

well Hal was laying on top of her, whether or not he knew she was dead, I don't know
she hadn't been gone very long, judging by her size and the temp of her body, I'd say about half an hour.
she continued to bleed into the wound even after she died.

SHould I take the body out of the freezer and show him?

No, I think he knows she's gone if he was lying on her so I'm guessing he's grieving hard.
After being in the freezer, the body changes so much, I doubt he would even know it's her.
I think he just needs time.

 

[Petunia]

ok thanks
I'll just make sure he's eating well and such, and pray his remaining cage mate can help him thru this

 

[lilspaz68]

He sounds like he's processing, and possibly your patting him was interfering with that, and he lashed out. I agree with Jo, let him grieve, and watch your hands.

 

[Petunia]

ok that makes a lot of sense

I understand that process, yes he needs time
this is actually a good thing for me because I am exhausted!!!!!!!!!!

haven't been eating well nor sleeping well and need to take care of myself so i can keep taking care of them

thanks so much for talking me thru this guys!

:heart:

 

[mamarat]

:hugs: