Buddy - I need some advice

[jennifervb]

As many of you may already know, I lost my boy, Albert, on September 9th.

In January of this year, I was informed by my doctor that my asthma and allergy condition has worsened and it was requested that I please rehome my rats.

After significant discussions, I promised my doctor that I would not get any more, after this group, until I had a place with at least 1000 square feet, preferrably more.

This leaves me with a terrible predicament. Buddy is now by himself and I cannot get him a new playmate.

His mood fluctuates and he gives me the impression that he is not the happiest little camper in the world. He does not explore like he did before Albert died and I often find him lying, in the dark, on top of his cage instead of exploring the condo like he used to.

He was diagnosed, on Saturday, with a lower respiratory issue and is now on Baytril and Doxy for 30 days. The condition is extremely mild, according to my vet, and we have caught it in the beginning stages. He still loves his food and eats everything I give him. Nevertheless, I am a basket case because I know that he needs a companion and there is nothing I can do to provide him with one. :sad3:

Sometimes I'm not even sure that what I believe to be seeing in him isn't just me being paranoid and guilt ridden.

He boggled for me twice in the last week, the last time being at the vet's office. Do rats boggle when they are under stress? My vet indicated that they do boggle in stress situations but I was always of the belief that boggling comes when they are happy. Does anyone have any input on that?

I can't help feeling that I am not enough to make Buddy happy. He really enjoyed being with his group and was a little hellion (in a good way) when Roquefort and Albert were still alive.

I've been doing a lot of soul searching and, as much as it hurts, I can't help feeling that I can not provide my beloved boy with the companionship he needs to be happy.

I refuse to take him back to the shelter and subject him to the same isolation and loneliness I rescued him out of. At least in any isolation and lonelinesswith me, he is treated like a king and has full command of the house in both the mornings and evenings when I am home. He is not neglected.

Nevertheless, I am a mess. I can see the change in him and as much as he loves me, I just don't believe he is happy.

I need some help in dealing with this. I am extremely sensitive to the well being of my little man's psyche and what I believe to be seeing is eating me up inside. I would be willing to rehome him with someone who has rats Buddy could befriend, as long as they are people I know whose hearts are in the right place and would provide my boy with the love and nurturing he deserves.

If there is anything I need to be looking for, to establish that he really is depressed, I would be grateful for any input.

I do not want my boy to suffer any depression and isolation. It is not about me. I will suffer if Buddy leaves but not half as much as I would suffer at seeing him depressed and withdrawn by being kept alone.

He is such a beautiful boy. My little man. He does not deserve to be unhappy. :tearful:

 

[jorats]

Buddy is about 15 months old now right? He might very well be missing Albert and might very well be grieving and that's what you see in his behavior.
Honestly Jen... I truly believe there are no better rat home than with you. You are so tuned to your pet and willing to move mountains for them. That kind of dedication falls short in many "homes".
I'd wait it out a bit longer, give Buddy some time to get over his loss... and then reassess then. Keeping in mind that he is at a more advanced age of preferring a more quiet life and enjoying the comfort of "retirement".

Sadly yes, boggling is done in times of stress as well. It's their way of coping, of finding a happy place.

 

[Chel]

That is a tough situation!! Are you located near anyone else in the forum? Perhaps they could take him on, that way you know he is safe, and you can still visit! I wish I could offer better advice. :cry: How old is buddy?

good luck, I wish the best for you and buddy!

 

[lilspaz68]

I agree with Jo. He may settle after a while of grieving. I think leaving you would be much more traumatic than losing his friends. I think you should re-eval in a few weeks or so. Try to forget how sad you both are, try to do different things than you used to, change up the routine a little.

 

[Cigar]

Jo's very right. Albert's passing was recent and he needs some time to adjust. We're in a similar pickle. :/ My brother is my landlord and when Clover passed away he said I couldn't replace her.. Poppy has gone through a range of new behaviors since losing her best friend but with time and play, she's improving and we're sticking together.

He knows that his mom loves him more than life itself and you'll always be there to listen to his chatter.. Just be the shoulder he needs right now and grieve together.

 

[jennifervb]

Thanks so much everyone. Things were better last night and today.

He visited me in the bedroom, last night, and occupied himself with the destruction of my magazine basket before taking off to pee on my address labels. :roll: :laugh4:

I made pancakes for breakfast, so he sat on my bare foot and waited for his pancake. :love6:

The meds are starting to do their job and his breathing is improving significantly. He was all over the place this morning, exploring the rooms that he has access to and following mom around to see if there is anything else he can pilfer for breakfast.

He disappeared into his cage to "sleep off" his breakfast belly in the fleece pile and I had the impression that he was at peace.

Since Albert's death, I have made significant changes to his schedule. He really enjoys his morning out time and I don't mind that he is shredding my favorite bath mats. :giggle:

He boggled for me yesterday, while we were sitting on the living room floor enjoying the sunshine through the trees. I stroke his jawline and he seems to LOVE that!

He still has moments where he will go and hide or climb onto the top of the cage to mourn his best buddy, Albert, but after what you have been so kind as to share with me, on this thread, I am taking comfort in a different perspective of how he may be doing emotionally. :heart:

It's still going to take time but, based on his behavior and the advice I received on the Rat Shack, I am hopeful that I can give him a happy existance... even in his solo status.

My little man and his well being takes priority. He cleans my face and earlobes and that makes me feel better when I am grieving over Albert and Roquefort (yep... I'm still not over my Roque.)

I'll keep you posted and once I've figured out my, recently purchased, stupidly simple little digital camera I will post pictures of Buddy.

:heart: & :hugs:

 

[jorats]

Lots of well wishes for Jen and her Buddy. :hugs:

 

[ryelle]

He visited me in the bedroom, last night, and occupied himself with the destruction of my magazine basket before taking off to pee on my address labels. :roll: :laugh4:

LMAO!! :laugh4:

Thats true love if you ask me. The mornings sound like a heck of a lot of fun for a lone rat. Pancakes for breakfast?! my rats would be so lucky!

 

[jennifervb]

Update.

Buddy is still showing signs of depression and loneliness. I sent an email to Debbie D., asking her for her advice and she recommends re-homing him. With, statistically, 7-14 months left it would be much better for him to be with other rats.

I don't know what hurts more, seeing him unhappy and lonely or contemplating my life without him in it.

Deep down, I know what my baby needs. He needs a ratpile. He needs to be able to stick his nose into neighboring gonads, pilfer goodies from his little cohorts, shred towels for the community nest and bump others out of their place at the yogurt dish.

Having reality smack you in the face is painful. It is easier to know these things for yourself and to be able to analyze behavioral patterns on your own because you can always find a way to justify keeping your little fuzzbucket with you.

But when someone with extensive experience tells you what you don't want to hear, you really have to take a closer look and understand what you are subjecting your loved one to.

Buddy is not a lethargic and squishy type. He is still too young and has too much energy to be truly happy on his own.

I have to remember when I first brought him home. His excitement in smelling Albert and Roquefort was almost too much for him. The sights, sounds and smells had him exploring every nook and cranny until I was able to conduct intros. The intro phase was relatively painless and he settled right in with his new cagemates.

Albert and Buddy were close. Roquefort didn't really give a oop: about either of them so he would go off on his own and they would pester each other. I have to admit that Debbie D's opinion on Buddy is accurate to the point where I can't find anything to counter with. I know my boy, and he just isn't happy. :tearful:

If I am going to rehome my boy, I am going to be anal about who he goes to. He will just have to stick it out until I have found the right home.

Buddy is such a glorious boy. He reminds me, in many ways, of Basil. A little king who doesn't need to be neutered because he can handle his testosterone.

If anyone has any ideas or suggestions regarding my boy, please let me know.

I will have no peace unless he goes to someone wonderful. That will be the only way for me to pick up the pieces, tend to the heartache, and know that his will be the happy and fulfilling life he deserves.

I never thought I would ever be in such a situation. It is hideous and I would not wish it on anyone. :sad3:

 

[jorats]

You're a true rat lover when you set aside your own needs in order to provide him the best possible life. :hugs:
I hope you find that exceptional home... I'm sure you will accept nothing less.

 

[mamarat]

I'm so sorry. I hope you find the best home for your little Buddy.

 

[Cigar]

What a selfless decision for your baby; you're a wonderful ratparent, Jennifer.

 

[Fidget]

It's the most selfless thing to do what is best for your kid even if it means giving them up - but in this situation I think you should not make a decision too soon but give it some time to see if he can get over his grief and become a happy mama's boy. I know he is getting extra attention from you and you love him dearly.

He boggled for me twice in the last week, the last time being at the vet's office. Do rats boggle when they are under stress? My vet indicated that they do boggle in stress situations but I was always of the belief that boggling comes when they are happy. Does anyone have any input on that?

I don't know about boggling but I do know that some brux when they are hurting. It's just like a cat and purring, they do it when they are happy, but also when they are in pain or stressed as a comfort to themselves.

 

[SQ]

I guess I missed something ... you can't get another rat, or a couple of babies?

 

[Moon]

I guess I missed something ... you can't get another rat, or a couple of babies?

That's the very first thing she covers.

 

[lilspaz68]

I think with the care you gave and connection you had with him, that IF you do find that perfect home, you should put in an option that he can come back to you if things don't work out. Some rats do not "transfer" their affections well and he will pine and be even more depressed without you. :sad3:

I still say keep him. Debbie D doesn't know him, or you, WE do.

 

[RattyLoverMama]

I agree with lilspaz68. Imagine if he is depressed and grieving now over losing his rat friends, imagine how he will feel given away to someone who doesn't know him and he don't know :sad3: . He won't have anything familiar :sad3: . You should keep loving him the way you always have. So sad, if only he could talk imagine what he would say. I dont' think that Debbie is right about this. If it were mine I would love him like no tomorrow but I surely wouldn't give him over to a stranger. It's okay for him to grieve, we all would if we lost our best friends and we all know it takes time to get over any death. If I were in this situation, I would keep him and like I said before, love him like there is no tomorrow, he will come around.

 

[henry's_mum]

This is something that i'm VERY familiar with, and if you'd wish to iscuss it further, you can PM me hun.
It is a VERY hard discision, I know... I think he would be better to stay in your care, however if that's not possiible, we can definatly speak about other options.
:hugs:

 

[Tarah]

In January of this year, I was informed by my doctor that my asthma and allergy condition has worsened and it was requested that I please rehome my rats.

After significant discussions, I promised my doctor that I would not get any more, after this group, until I had a place with at least 1000 square feet, preferrably more.